During the past week, I’ve added the capability to post text, pictures and video here directly from my mobile phone. So, if I’m able to raise a cell while we’re in Tijuana (we’ll be staying one block from the border), I should be able to bring you along on this trip. To keep updated with this blog, let me encourage you to:

• Check back here often (check the “Recent Posts” section on the home page),
• Subscribe via RSS or email, and/or
• Follow me on Twitter.

P.S. - This is my first attempt at mobile blogging. So here’s hoping everything goes as planned!

Our neighbors’ dogs were cowering in their doghouses, their paws over their ears. There was even a wide-eyed, dazed and confused bunny rabbit in our backyard. As soon as I parked our car, Beth was out on the back deck taking it all in. In the meantime, I grabbed my camera and tri-pod to shoot some pictures while I pieced together the contents of that memo we must have missed:

Dear Karns Resident:
As you may or may not know, the Karns Community has a long and storied history of pyrotechnic (aka fireworks) demonstrations and displays. For example, consider our failed attempt at secession from Knox County in 1978, the Farmer’s Rebellion of 1964 or the commissioning of the “Downtown Karns Traffic Light” in 1983. Each of these displays were marked by the enthusiastic support of our entire community along with vibrant exhibitions of the finest fireworks East Tennessee has to offer.

Now is your turn to take part in history. On July 4th 2008, you along with the rest of the Karns Community are invited to participate in what will be the largest grassroots fireworks initiative in the continental United States. Starting at dusk on the 4th, we invite you and your neighbors to launch fireworks from your cul-de-sacs and sideroads. Spare no expense and expend your best efforts into putting on the best 232nd birthday celebration this country has ever seen!

Sincerely,
Your Neighbors in the Karns Community

P.S. - If you’ve been wondering what to do with your tax rebate check, might we suggest you invest it in the biggest, brightest, loudest and grandest fireworks you can find!

Despite not receiving the memo, we did find some consolation: Since I wasn’t busy shooting off rockets, I was able to get a lot of great photographs of the 2008 Karns Community Fireworks Show:

However, the story doesn’t end there. This past weekend, I toured the Mayfield Dairy as a part of the National Moofest, and I discovered evidence that points to a full-blown ice-cream conspiracy. Therefore, in order to return Caramel Coyote to its rightful place in the Mayfield product line, I am offering this post as a virtual petition to bring back Caramel Coyote.

Caramel Coyote fans (and I know you are legion), read this post and “sign” your name by commenting at the bottom.

Declining Sales?! A Ludicrous Scenario!

As I referenced before, my father contacted Mayfield Dairy on behalf of our family. A Mayfield representative replied saying that our favorite flavor has been discontinued due to poor sales. We were shocked and outraged. First of all, such a response suggests insanity. Anyone who has ever tasted Caramel Coyote knows that a “declining sales” scenario is ludicrous! For those who haven’t tasted Caramel Coyote, a brief digression is in order:

Imagine waves of rich caramel ice cream and caramel ribbons wrapping around your tongue. As the sensation washes away, you find delightful caramel filled chocolate cups littered about like float toys waiting to be savored and enjoyed. Each bite leaves you heading out for more. You find yourself awash in a sea of creamy caramel goodness.

Alas, for the past year, Caramel Coyote has only been this sweet memory lingering in my mind and tantalizing my tongue. It is the same for the fifteen other lactose tolerant members of my family. What’s more, anytime we had guests over their comments were all the same: “This is the best ice cream we have ever tasted!”

The evidence does not match the claim! How can the best ice cream we’ve ever tasted suffer from poor sales!?

My Theory: An Ice Cream Conspiracy

Judging from our experience, I think Caramel Coyote was doomed from the beginning. Soon after my parents discovered it, my wife and I searched for it in four local grocery stores only to find it sold out or not stocked everywhere we looked. I remember many weeks with my wife and I getting home from the grocery store heartbroken with no Caramel Coyote.

I should have realized it then, but now I can see it clearly: Someone in the Mayfield Dairy was jealous of Caramel Coyote. Rather than shipping the ice cream, this conspirator was secretly diverting the shipments. I suspect he or she is a Moose Tracks, Mint Chocolate Chip,Vanilla or Chocolate fan. One taste of Caramel Coyote and he knew the flavor’s power to sway the masses. So, rather than sharing the ice cream spotlight with this new kid on the block, he devised a plan of attrition, limiting shipments of Caramel Coyote so that accounting would conclude the flavor should be pulled from the lineup.

Preposterous you say? That’s exactly what I thought until I visited the Mayfield Dairy this past weekend.

We Found the Caramel Coyote Stockpile

My friends and family can attest that it has long been a dream of mine to tour the Mayfield Dairy. I hold Scottie Mayfield in the same regard that Charlie held Willie Wonka. Arriving on their Athens, Tennessee campus, I felt like the proverbial “kid in a candy shop.” Beth and I posed for a picture in front of the Mayfield Dairy sign. I kept thinking Scottie Mayfield might pop out at any moment. There must have been forty or more Mayfield t-shirts in the gift shop, not to mention hats, postcards and more.

Then it happened. One of our friends [Mark] came over to tell me that the ice cream shop had Caramel Coyote. My eyes grew to the size of saucers. I couldn’t think. I’m sure I staggered. I wanted to be reunited that instant, yet it was our turn to tour the plant.

Despite the fact that I was getting to see the insides of the world’s greatest dairy, it was hard to stay focused. I wasn’t even interested in the Mayfield Oompa-Loompas or the songs they sang. Instead all I could think about was caramel ice cream, caramel ribbons and caramel filled chocolate cups while Peaches and Herb’s Reunited played over and over in my mind.

Once the tour was over, I strode over to the ice cream counter still wearing my protective red hairnet. A reunion never tasted so good. Five minutes later I discovered I was standing outside with Beth, Mark, Laura and Angie. I had no idea how I’d gotten there as the bliss of the proceeding moments gradually wore off.

So, Mayfield Dairy still has Caramel Coyote in their gift shop!? What did this mean? This week as I’ve thought about it the conspiracy has crystallized before my eyes: The Mayfield Conspirator is pawning off his stockpile of Caramel Coyote to the Mayfield gift shop! I even ate some of the evidence!

We Must Act Now!

If you share my passion for Mayfield Caramel Coyote ice cream, then please join me in petitioning Scottie Mayfield and Mayfield Dairy to bring it back to stores. To do so, simply share your opinion by commenting at the bottom of this post. Together we can overturn this conspiracy and return Caramel Coyote to its rightful place of ice cream prominence.

Footnotes
The story of Caramel Coyote gets even stranger when you search for it on the web. Consider these listings in order of their appearance on Google:

1. Mayfield Blog: Mayfield Day at the Ice Chalet - In this blog post, Scottie Mayfield talks about visiting the Ice Chalet in Knoxville and letting the skaters sample their new flavors of ice cream. There is no mention of Caramel Coyote in the post; however, three successive commenters use the post to request that Mayfield should bring back Caramel Coyote. Furthering suspicions, commenting on this post has subsequently been disabled. I suspect whoever is running the Mayfield blog did this to silence further outcry.
2. Mayfield Blog: Nurture Milk by Mayfield - Even stranger is the first comment on this post about Nurture milk (i.e. keep in mind the post has nothing to do with ice cream). A commenter known as “searching for caramel” writes, “Where is Caramel Coyote? It is our favorite and usually only ice cream and I haven’t been able to find it for months!!! Please do not abandon this ice cream! There is no other like it.” This is followed by a comment from Jan Montgomery in Mayfield Consumer Affairs who scoops out the same “discontinued because of poor sales” schpeal.

Beyond the above listings, there simply isn’t much else on the web mentioning Caramel Coyote. Therefore this post should serve as a point of action for the many disenfranchised Caramel Coyote lovers out there. If this is you, be sure to comment and let your voice be heard.

House Mountain
House Mountain is a state natural area located about 8 miles north of downtown Knoxville['s city limit]. Its 2100ft crest provides some great views of Knox and surrounding counties and gets my vote for best Knox County hiking spot.

Backroads
In addition to providing some great scenery, knowing your backroads around here can save you a lot of time on your commute. Having grown up in South Knoxville, I can attest that a working knowledge of the roads south of the river can save you hours of driving time on UT game days and Boomsday. Now, having lived with my wife in Karns for the past three years, I can get to any of the major shopping areas along I-40/I-75 in fifteen minutes or less.

CBP and UT Basketball
Coach Bruce Pearl (CBP) and the Basketball Vols have fanned into flame my long dormant passion for college basketball. My wife and I were first time season ticket holders this past season, and we look forward to catching more hardwood action this Fall.

An Eclectic Mix of People
Knoxville is home to interesting persons from all around. Having been born and raised here, I enjoy sharing this city with my transplant friends from places like Michigan, Massachusetts, Wisconsin, Florida, Europe and more. Knoxville is home to many friendly people who have a strong sense of Southern hospitality along with a desire to welcome and befriend folks who are new to town.

Third Creek Greenway
My wife and I love to ride our bikes down the Third Creek Greenway. We start at the old Bi-Lo parking lot between Sutherland Avenue and Kingston Pike and continue on down to Neyland Drive. (We love company, so give me a shout if you want to know when we take our next ride.)

Why do you love Knoxville?

Three aspects of Jessop’s story stand out to me: 1) the cultural isolation of her community, 2) the role of sex in her polygamist marriage and 3) the rivalries that existed between her and her “sister-wives.”

Colorado City, Arizona - An FLDS Enclave
Jessop’s story takes place in Colorado City, Arizona, a small town in the northwest corner of Arizona. It was founded in 1913 by members of the Fundamentalist Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints (FLDS)^[1]. The FLDS first came into prominence in the 1930s when its founding members left the mainline Mormon church in order to continue their practice of polygamy^[2].

According to Jessop’s account, Colorado City is a world all its own. She tells how girls are raised to value becoming one of a man’s three or more wives. Women in the community drive cars with expired or missing tags so they’ll be stopped and returned should they try to escape. In her church, members are taught that the practice of plural marriage has been ordained by God, and practicing it is necessary in order for a man to receive the highest form of salvation. Her religion seems tailor made to exalt men and subordinate women.

The Role of Sex in Jessop’s Polygamist Marriage
Jessop relates that women in the FLDS are taught that their husband will have the power to exalt or reject them in the afterlife. Therefore, it is imperative that FLDS women please their husband so that he will choose them in the life to come. This amounts to the wives in Jessop’s marriage vying for the attention and favor of their husband.

Introducing sex into this equation results in its being little more than a commodity. The wives use it to have influence over their husband, and the husband exerts his power by deciding who he will have sex with. Ultimately, the wives’ ability to use sex to their advantage is fleeting in the face of their husband’s power in the afterlife.

“Sister-Wife” Rivalries
In theory, wives in FLDS plural marriages are to view each other as “sister-wives,” yet Jessop’s depiction shows this certainly is not the case in her family. Intense rivalries develop and the women are subject to mental and physical abuse from each other as well as from their husband. There is fierce competition between them for “favored wife” status.

I was struck by the absolute insanity of it all. While their religion espouses a virtuous life dedicated to doing the will of God, in practice there is no resemblance to that ideal. I am able to sympathize with Carolyn as she realizes she is living in a hell on earth.

Conclusion
The book begins with the thrilling escape of Jessop and her eight children. Then she takes you back to the beginning and shows what it is like to grow up as a woman in the FLDS. Her story is so surreal that it is hard to believe that it takes place in the modern day United States.

Jessop’s Escape provides a revealing look into FLDS culture amidst the tragedy and triumph of one woman’s life. Should you decide to read this book, I imagine that you too will also find a hard time putting it down.

Footnotes

[1] Colorado City, Arizona - Wikipedia
[2] Fundamentalist Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints

Uploaded by Bekathwia 14th April, 2008

One look at this photo and I just had to share.

Flickr user “Bekathwia” calls this garment a “Body-Laptop Interface.” It’s part of a set called Body-Technology Interfaces that she describes by saying:

I’ve been working on a project where I knit sweaters to go from gadgets to your body. They’re supposed to be a fun commentary on how attached and concentrated on technology we are, and to highlight the lack of movement that happens when we’re engrossed in our laptops, keyboards, PDAs, etc.

The Magic Candle from Michael Wender on Vimeo.

Explanation
I first learned about this “trick” when I was in elementary school. If I remember correctly, I believe the flame from the portable torch ignites the smoke and travels down to the source where it re-ignites the wick.

If you have a better explanation for this, please leave a comment, and I’ll update this post.

Video: Twitter in Plain English
The following video is a good place to start your quest for Twitter insight:

Helpful Twitter Explanations

• Beginner’s Quick Start Guide and Tutorial to Using Twitter - The folks over at Zappos.com, the online shoe store, have really taken a liking to Twitter, and their guide is a good introduction.
• Knoxville Twitterers: Using the Web to Go Local - A story about my introduction to Twitter.
• Why We Use Twitter - I recently participated in a little online presentation where myself and several other Twitterers “tweeted” about why we use Twitter.

Why I Use Twitter
Surprisingly, although Twitter is an online service, it has given me some tangible connections with my local community. Since I started using it a little over a month ago, I’ve attended two “Tweet-Ups” which have allowed me to meet a lot of cool Knoxvillians I might have otherwise never met. While I’m in the office, I share and receive tips, humor, news, links and more from my fellow Twitterers. Getting connected with people in my city is what keeps me using Twitter.

At times it can be distracting. However, if that’s the case, then all I have to do is take a break from it. At other times, it is a great way to quickly get feedback on an idea or something I’m working on.

Currently, a lot of the people I know on Twitter are at least moderately technically inclined. However, there is plenty of room for anyone who wants to join. My contacts on Twitter include newspaper editors, web developers, bloggers, moms, dads and college students.

Start Twittering
If this post has you interested, go to Twitter and create a profile. Then invite your friends to join you, and find some other Twitter users in your area via TwitterLocal. Plus, don’t forget to follow me on Twitter.

The Ingredients
The great thing about dry rubs is that they allow for your own creativity. Creating your own rub is a simple matter of raiding your spice cabinet and experimenting until you achieve the proper balance of flavors. For my dry rub, I use the following ingredients:

• Lawry’s Seasoned Salt
• Pepper
• Curry

Starting with the seasoned salt as a base, I pour a couple of tablespoons into a custard bowl. Then I add a teaspoon or so of pepper and even less curry. Next I mix the ingredients, and then it’s ready to pour on and rub into the meat.

And Now It’s Time for a Visual
To demonstrate my dry rub technique, I shot this short video:

If you’ve never tried a dry rub before, now is the perfect time to start. You’ll be able to enjoy your new skills for the remainder of the up-and-coming grilling season. Bon appetite!

This week I had a little fun with all my Facebook friends by taking notes on their Facebook Statuses. What follows are my favorite status updates from the past week:

Monday, April 28th, 2008

Suzy MacLaren is hating Mondays!
Josh Tuner is getting ready to go back to UT.

Tuesday, April 29th, 2008

Jeff Pricket asks have you ever had a week of 5 Mondays? 2 Mondays down. 3 to go.

Suzy and Jeff, I speak for all of us when I say that I know how you feel. Kudos to you, Josh. Glad to see you returning to UT.

Continuing with Tuesday status updates:

Amy Garland is thankful to Deb, the great patron saint of lost water bottles…
Amanda Geren is wondering why it still feels like winter and why she thought that sandals would be a good idea this morning.
Byron Davis has post-traumatic musical production syndrome.
Andy Searles is celebrating his 8th wedding anniversary.
Tracie Goetz Searles is happy to be married to Andy for 8 years…
Nate Karns just picked a HUGE booger out of Libby’s nose.

Thanks Amy, I never realized there was a patron saint of water bottles. Amanda: Beth thought the exact same thing this week. Thankfully, warmer temperatures have returned to East Tennessee, and we wish the same for you in Kentucky.

Byron, having done my fair share of organizing events, I believe I’ve suffered from similar disorders such as post-traumatic retreat planning syndrome, post-traumatic community group leader syndrome and post-traumatic wedding planning syndrome. Good luck on your recovery!

Congratulations to Andy and Tracie Searles on eight years of marriage!

Nate, despite the fact that I haven’t seen you since high school, it’s good to know that you are watching out for your daughter’s respiratory health.

Wednesday, April 30th, 2008

Deb Bates is wondering where her fave pink water bottle has gotten to!

Hmm… That’s strange - didn’t Amy just say that you were the patron… Nah, never mind. I hope you found your water bottle this week.

Mark O’Callaghan is bouncy, trouncy, flouncy, pouncy, Fun! Fun! Fun! Fun! Fun!

That’s Tiggerific Mark!

Thursday, May 1, 2008

Robert Mitchell is elated. Patty said yes!!!!

Congratulations Robert and Patty! Plus, way to go Web2.0 by announcing such a big moment online.

Friday, May 2, 2008

Justin Fensterman is running into marvelous light.

Justin, I can’t think of a better way to start the weekend. Plus, it’s been great catching up with you on Facebook after having not heard from you since graduating Full Sail in ‘99.